Elevator Madness

10 Nov

It’s taken up to this point to learn one of the simpler things in this world.  It’s something that has fooled me since my childhood.  I’ve always taken it seriously, only to find out it’s been a joke my whole life.

What am I talking about?

An elevator button.

Not just any elevator button, but the “door close” elevator button.

I was watching NOVA recently on PBS (yeah, yeah…I watch NOVA – sue me) and they had a special about elevators.  They showed the history, how it works and some interesting stats and bla, bla, bla.  I was intrigued, and then generally disappointed when they revealed a fact about the “door close” button.

It doesn’t work.


It has no function.

It’s the placebo of the elevator ride.  Put there to fool everyone that rides it into thinking that you have some control over those doors.

Well, folks, you don’t.  It is just “there”.

My whole life, I’ve always pounded at that thing when I’ve been in a hurry, try to avoid someone, doing a favor for the rest of the riders, etc. and I’ve just wasted my time.  It hasn’t done anything.  It has no function except looks.

It makes sense that’s it’s true as well.  And I feel like a moron that it’s never dawned on me that the “door close” button hasn’t ever done anything, because no matter how many times you hit it, the doors close at the same pace as always.  Ever notice that?  Me neither.  And I’ve lived in a condo for almost three years and use an elevator daily.

So, next time you take a ride in an elevator, do yourself a favor and don’t waste your time with the “door close” button.

Thanks for making me feel like an idiot, “Door Close” button.  I now feel less in tune with the world knowing I’ve been fooled for this long.


4 Responses to “Elevator Madness”

  1. Bearman November 10, 2010 at 7:09 pm #

    I always knew that damn thing didn’t work. Especially when smelly coworker was heading toward it.

    But if you jump a little, it will close the door no problem.

    • Nate Fakes November 13, 2010 at 8:36 am #

      Yeah, I didn’t know until I watched the facts unfold on PBS. Stupid button

  2. DadaHyena November 10, 2010 at 8:37 pm #

    It’s sort of like when people press the “Walk” button repeatedly at intersections, thinking that the more you press it the sooner the light will turn green. Schmucks.

    • Nate Fakes November 13, 2010 at 8:36 am #

      Oh, PLEASE tell me that button is legit! Right? Right?

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