The Squirrels Are Smart

15 Apr

I’ve noticed something about living downtown compared to living in the midwest:

The squirrels are smarter here.

It’s only natural for animals to adapt to their environment.  Obviously, the squirrels that are living downtown with me have to contend with traffic, pedestrians and the whack-o that dresses up like Peter Pan.  So, over the years, they get used to all of this stimulus and can fit right in.

I think living downtown makes them smarter though, too.

When I visit Kansas or Ohio, I’ve noticed that squirrels are just stupid.

They run out in the middle of the road and sit there as a car plows into them.  And then, the squirrels buddy goes out to checks on him, as more traffic comes hurdling down the street, sending the buddy into the pavement as well.

Here, the squirrels actually LOOK BOTH WAYS before crossing.  Seriously, I’ve noticed this!

On top of that, when they do cross – they RUN!  They don’t mess around or stop in the middle of the street for no apparent reason.

They also don’t cross when there’s a car even remotely close.

It seems like adapting to an environment is one thing, but when it comes to life and death, you would think that the squirrels in the midwest would have caught-on better by now.

I can just imagine that the squirrels in my neighborhood probably look at the ones up north as a bunch of rednecks.  Anytime a squirrel from up north comes down here for whatever reason (maybe as a Snow Squirrel for the winter, like the Snow Birds we already have) they just don’t fit in.  They probably wander out in traffic as the local squirrels shake their little heads back and forth thinking, “Dumb-ass”.

You never see dead squirrels down here.  They seem to have more intelligence than some of the locals as well (like instead of panhandling, they hang out at the gourmet-high class restaurants and eat leftover from there trash bins….pretty tasty meals, I’d assume).

The only dead squirrels here are the ones that die of old age – fat and happy – next to the beach.

Anyhow, maybe we should gather up a bunch of squirrels and drop them off in the midwest so they can teach the northerners a thing or two about proper crossing of the roads and other helpful traits.

I like squirrels, and I’d like to see them thrive up north like their cousins down here.  However, as long as there is traffic up in the midwest, I’m guessing there will also be a abundant supply of squirrel pancakes.

It’s nothing new about squirrels running into traffic.  We’ve seen it on commercials, in real life, cartoons, etc.  But down here they’ve learned a thing or two about traffic – it hurts.


7 Responses to “The Squirrels Are Smart”

  1. frigginloon April 16, 2010 at 7:06 am #

    Squirrels maybe be dumb Ohio but they are hell scary in Denver. I swear one nearly mugged me……he frisked me for food. But I swear he had a friggin gun!!!!

    • Nate Fakes April 16, 2010 at 4:54 pm #

      Wow. A squirrel that’s packing more than nuts! I’d have to see that…

      • frigginloon April 16, 2010 at 6:40 pm #

        I have a doctors report. The wound will heal but the psychological damage will always be there. AND They say I’m NUTS now 😦

  2. Bo Lumpkin April 16, 2010 at 10:26 am #

    Your discourse on the squirrels was truly right on. I really had a hard time concentrating on the survival habits of the squirrels because I kept asking the question, “Does he really live in the same neighborhood with a dude who dresses up like Peter Pan?” Now that is blogging material.

    • Nate Fakes April 16, 2010 at 4:55 pm #

      Peter Pan would make a better movie than blog! I’ll have to get some photos of this guy. I’m guessing the squirrels learned that people like him aren’t normal, so they behave well after NOT doing what Peter does.

  3. Spiggs February 1, 2012 at 11:28 am #

    Hi. It’s interesting what you mention about squirrels. I’ve been all over the US and I live in MN. The squirrels, at least in my area, are some of the smartest I’ve ever seen anywhere (it is rough here in the winter so you don’t survive being dumb). I’ve witnessed the same thing (squirrel checking for traffic). In fact, just 2 weeks ago I something that truly boggled my mind. I love squirrels and I watch and feed them regularly. I was driving down a fairly major city street and one squirrel was chasing another one, he got about 1/4 of the way across the street, saw cars coming, turned back around and quickly ran back to the closest side, ran up the closest little tree and watched to see where the other squirrel went and waited for traffic to pass. So, no the squirrels aren’t dumber in the midwest because I live in MN and the squirrels are much smarter here than anywhere else I’ve seen but MN is a cold and brutal place in the winter so it makes sense the squirrels up here would be much more intelligent than say, Ohio, as you mentioned.

    Oh, and not everyone from the midwest is a redneck. The Twin Cities is famous as being an extremely liberal place and is where many famous musicians and artists got their starts.


    • Nate Fakes February 1, 2012 at 11:38 am #

      Sounds like they are a bit smarter than Ohio! I think maybe city living and then the extreme temperatures might have a big impact on the little fella’s. Because, yes, they are pretty stupid (from what I’ve seen) in Ohio.

      And when I mentioned rednecks, I was stating what a squirrel might be thinking – not my own personal beliefs.

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